senior thesis
It Will Always Be There
The RHP Reunion
Freshman year, we had talked about holding an RHP prom, since most of us had missed our high school proms. In the division of second semester, that idea never made it to fruition. At the beginning of this year, we began talking about the idea again. The title of “prom” was quickly abandoned as silly, and replaced by a succession of other names, including “formal,” “banquet,” and “gathering.” Eventually we settled on the title of “reunion.” This really reflects the underlying “appreciation of the value of the relationships, and wanting to solidify them a little better before leaving so that they can be continued better after graduation.”
By reconnecting with other RHPers, the experiences and memories of freshman year would be validated. Or for a few RHPers, the experience would, in theory, be recreated. While conceptualizing it during the fall,
“part of the driving force behind the reunion was [one person who] really wanted it to happen... In many ways it’s because she’s always felt really left out because she was in Trojan Hall. She didn’t really come over a lot the way [some other RHPers] did, so... she feels she’s always missed out on some part of the experience. And through things like this she hopes she can get some of that back.”
While the planning committee consisted of five people, most of the legwork was done by one person. She had a frustrating time planning it:
“I think a lot of people didn’t really want it to be what it was. Everybody had their own, kind of, vision for what they wanted. And there was no way that I was going to A, figure that out when people wouldn’t talk to me, and B, try and make that for everybody. [For instance, one person] didn’t want to come because he felt like there were going to be too many people that weren’t RHP there and it wasn’t going to be an RHP reunion it was just going to be like people getting together to hang out. But then he had always planned on bringing [a non-RHP partner]. So I don’t really know what he envisioned... I felt that was kinda contradictory. So that sort of thing, I think a lot of people were that way.”
At the other end of the spectrum, some people were genuinely nervous and anxious about the event:
“Part of me thinks this whole prom thing is a good idea. But I guess I’m also partly afraid of it because it’s going to be a final goodbye. Yeah, it’s a couple months before school is out, but this is the last time we’ll get together. That’s not going to happen at graduation, family and other friends are gonna be there. So it’s gonna make it really real, I think. And part of me thinks it’s just not a good idea at all to have this prom. Some people are trying to recreate [freshman year], I think they’re gonna be in for an unpleasant shock.”
Eventually, the plan worked out as: a pre-dinner gathering for the girls at someone’s house to get ready, followed by dinner at a reasonably nice restaurant (the Olive Garden), then a party in the Thematic Option office (due to lack of other available venues and politics over using specific apartments). While many people brought dates, I brought a friend to videotape the evening for further analysis. For the first time with this project, I was really in the role of participant-observer.
The girls gathered to get ready at about 5:30. It felt just like our days in the dorms. Caroline curled Misha’s hair. We borrowed makeup from each other while crowding around the mirror. We laughed about Erin’s “water” dress. Owen made an appearance, but could not stay for long.
After the boys arrived, we divided ourselves into various cars and left for the Olive Garden at 6:30. We arrived at 7:00 -- and many people remarked that this was the first time we’d ever arrived anyplace on time! This was perhaps the first obvious indication that things were changing. Eventually we had a group of twenty people -- twelve RHPers, seven dates or friends, and Penny.
At dinner, tension arose because of the seating arrangements, especially for Brad:
“Across the table you have Ex-Girlfriend, Ex-Girlfriend’s current boyfriend. Next to you, you have your New Girlfriend. Three chairs down you’ve got Ex-Girlfriend That You Just Broke Up With, and here you are at the table between a friend and your new girlfriend, hashing out your past relationship. Those were some interesting dynamics.”
Besides this dynamic, two non-RHP significant others were across from each other, and neither seemed like they wanted to be amongst RHPers. In a few other instances, RHPers who did not have a history of harmonious interaction wound up sitting near each other.
With all the extraneous boyfriends and girlfriends, there was the sense of “bringing all the significant others to meet the family at once,” and also the sense of keeping the peace for the family’s sake. I think the dinner was not what anyone expected. It was certainly not like old times, but it definitely reinforced the family metaphor. “Real” families are not happy, perfect units with no conflict. We share a past, and the wounds from that past, while mostly healed, still exist.
Perhaps bringing so many non-RHPers to this event diluted its ritual magical effect in some way. It was definitely less essentially RHP, and there was an insider/outsider dynamic at the dinner. Some non-RHPers were familiar and had been introduced to the family before. But, for many, this was their first (and probably last) introduction to the group. The outsiders might have been intimidated by this group, or did not understand it. The insiders, on the other hand, were wary of intruders who seemed only lukewarm towards the idea of getting to know everyone in attendance. The static environment of a long table did not help matters at all since there could be no circulation of people to keep conversations lively.
After dinner, we went to the TO office for cake. Several people had to go home, and the few who were supposed to come later never showed up. Two people went to get music. Penny had dug out the file with packets of RHP profiles from previous years. Eventually, one person began reading the profiles from our class. While she read some of the profiles of people in attendance, most of them were for people who were not there.
Reading the profiles of faraway family members was a way of invoking their memory, bringing them to the event in spirit. There is a real sense of sadness that “so many people are just gone.” Everyone agrees that it is time to move on. But, in the face of senior stress and worries about the future, many people have an intense nostalgic longing for the remembered carefree attitude of freshman year: “I do feel like I have a different life now. And a lot of times I wish I didn’t.” For many people, it is difficult to face the sense of loss and the changes that have occurred. However, in many ways, this longing is unconscious. In day-to-day life it is buried beneath layers of memories and other concerns. It manifests in ritual behaviors like reading the profiles. RHPers genuinely miss their friends and the times when everyone was “together.”
On another level, reading the profiles was a symbolic act of bringing our college experience full circle. To one person, reading the profiles was indicative of the changes people have gone through as well as the ways they have remained the same. In the following statement, this person switches back and forth between images of difference and essential nature:
“Everybody’s different now. There’s a lot of things on my profile that haven’t really changed. But I look on other people’s and they’re totally different. And some things about people just never change. Like Swu and the whole Smashing Pumpkins thing. Some things are just characteristic of people. And it was good to kind of be reminded that we had things about us that existed that way before we came. I had totally forgotten that I had this whole life that existed before I moved to California. So I think that looking at the profiles kinda reminded people what you tend to forget, that you did exist before you came to university, and this is who you were before you came, and who are you now?”
These sorts of questions really encapsulate the mindset of any college student on the verge of graduation: Who was I before I came here? How have I changed? Who am I now? Who will I become? In struggling with these questions, RHPers have reached into the past with a strong sense of nostalgia to the people who were so instrumental in helping them answer the first identity questions of college.